Here and Now
by The Decemberist
Summary: Angela Montenegro does not believe in regret. Except lately that's the only thing she can do, and it's all thanks to a certain blue eyed entomologist.


AN- God it's been so long since i've written for this fandom. I just re-watched all of season 2 today, and thinking about how Hodgins and Angela are now i just had to write this. Because they are so meant for each other. (Btw this is set a couple months after the last episode)

**Here and Now**

Angela Montenegro doesn't believe in regret. She does not condone the wistful thinking of what-ifs or what-could've-beens, by herself or anyone else around her. She believes in the moment; the power of right now and the importance of today. She finds dwelling on the past to be unhealthy and trying to plan the future pointless. Things happen that no one can control; _life _happens, and destiny eventually runs its course and everything that's meant to happen will eventually happen so there's no use in trying to fight it.

It's her faith; the code she lives by, the one belief that hasn't faltered and for the past 30 years it's worked pretty damn well for her.

Except for now.

Now she finds herself dwelling on the past significantly more then she used to. She catches herself reminiscing and day dreaming and _remembering_ and it's all because of him.

Jack Hodgins.

And it's not like she hasn't had hot and steamy romances before. God she's had a thousand lifetimes' worth of boyfriends and a girlfriend and friends with benefits and lovers and everything else in between. There was that one guy right after she graduated high school; she thought she had found her _soul mate_ for crying out loud until she found out he was just using her for a place to live. That had been one messy break-up she has no intention of reliving any time soon. And before that there was Roxie, who for the longest time seemed to be the one bad habit she just couldn't kick. Until now of course. She knows she's done with Roxie forever, even if she comes crying back into her life and begs for forgiveness. Angela's not the kind of girl who likes to make the same mistake twice.

And then there was Grayson, but she doesn't actually count him as a serious relationship because really; they may have been married for six years but she hardly knew the guy save for that one night where she was so drunk that she probably would've married a _tree._ And then many years later there was Wendell who now just seemed like a big mistake, after the whole pregnancy fiasco she can now see that her feelings were simply the result of being horny and desperate for some sort of relationship that was more then platonic. Breaking it off with him was hard, but she'd certainly had worse break-ups and besides they didn't stand of chance of making it in the long run.

It's Jack Hodgins that has her reflecting on all these (failed) relationships, and yet for some reason she doesn't categorize theirs under her painfully large list of ended relationships. She keeps him; _them, _separately in her mind, somewhere, she's just not really sure _where._

Because for some reason she can't quite fathom, she doesn't want to think of him as just another ex-boyfriend; another person who held her heart for a short time before she decided to take it back and move one. Jack didn't hold her heart; he ripped it from her chest and left her broken and bleeding but not before he offered his own in return. And it's normally this sort of thing that makes Angela Montenegro bristle with anger, (because really, who is he to come and make her fall head-over-heels in love with him?) but this time she didn't really mind. This time she sort of...liked it. Loved it even; loved _him_ enough to want him to keep her heart for the rest of her life.

To this day she doesn't truly understand what went wrong, or how they fell apart so fast and so hard. All she remembers is wanting that painful ache in her chest to _go away_ so she left him in a desperate attempt to ease her hurt. The pain did go away, but it was replaced with something far more unpleasant that makes her question every move she's ever made; before, during, and after _them_, and it keeps her awake at night until she's nothing but a muddled mess of feelings and regret.

And even though they're not engaged, or even together anymore, she still has his heart. Still has it and for some reason doesn't want to relinquish it. The idea of Jack not loving her anymore...scares her. It keeps on scaring her until she has to leave her office in the middle of a conversation with Brennan she was only half paying attention to anyway and look him in the eyes and see for herself that he still cares.

"Something up Angela?" He asks in that stupid we're-just-friends-and-I'm-giving-you-your-space tone that makes her want to scream and kiss him until he can't form a coherent sentence; much less use that irksome tone.

"No I just..." She's at a loss for words; she hadn't really thought of what to say once she was actually talking to him. "I just wanted to say hi." She finishes lamely, and he looks up from whatever he's studying and smiles.

And it's that smile that tells her everything she needs to know. That subtle, upward turning of his lips and slight crinkling of his beautiful blue eyes reassures her that it's all right, he can't let go either and he has sleepless nights too so it's okay.

He may not know it, but he still has her heart too. And even though they're not together anymore, she's content in letting him keep it. She has faith that what's meant to happen will eventually happen.

* * *

As always, reviews are wonderful! Sorry if some things don't make any sense; it's been forever and i need to get reacquainted with the series!


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